Вот, скажем, проблема насчёт ухода за маленькими детьми
A recently released book authored by Lars Cult, your former Human Services Minister, has highlighted the financial and mental health concerns of parents in Schwarzwald. The book has thrust the issue of childcare back into the public spotlight.
1. "I don't know how much more I can take without government support," complains a visibly stressed out mother while desperately trying to console her screaming child. "Between working two jobs and raising a child, I don't know how I'm managing to hold it together. The government needs to start getting involved before there are mass mental breakdowns! If you gave parents a tax credit and invest in some mental health initiatives, it would really help. Oh, won't somebody please think of the children?"
2. "The problem is that these fathers and mothers obviously have no idea how to do their job," counters your Education Minister while raising her voice over the tantrum-throwing toddler. "Parents need to understand budgeting, stress management, and how to calm down screaming infants. I propose mandatory parenting classes for adults and teenagers alike. The government could then take away children from those who fail the testing. Sure, that would mean investing more in the education budget, but won't you please think of the children?"
3. "You are all missing the obvious solution," coos your incredibly mature sixteen-year-old niece as she calms down the crying infant. "What Schwarzwald needs is a national babysitting and nanny program. Parents obviously need a break from the stresses of child-rearing, and people need to know that their lives aren't going to be interrupted by screaming kids. By enlisting the help of babysitters and nannies across the country, along with investments in daycare and childcare programs, this problem will be a thing of the past." Your niece hands you the baby. "Isn't he adorable?"
4. "No, no, and no!" exclaims your Finance Minister, who has recently been named Schwarzwald's most eligible bachelor by Bonjour Magazine. "Why should my taxes have to pay for someone else's bratty kids? I'm already paying over and above for these social programs that are obviously not working. Let's get rid of whatever childcare programs we have and save ourselves a bundle of Fichtennadels. If you can't afford to have kids, then don't have them."
5. "They have it all wrong!" invokes controversial pastor Tim Rifkin, who is infamous for his misogynistic rants. "The problem is because we have strayed from our religious teachings. Allowing women to work and neglect their children is only a stepping stone to them murdering their children through abortion and contraception. Murderesses! We could nip this issue in the bud if the wives of Schwarzwald were in their proper place – their kitchens. We must return to our traditional values!"
И никаких вам яслей и декретов (слово, обретшее новый смысл, кагебе намекает нам на завоевания социализма).